Marley and Me
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Meet Max, a dog who deserves his own book
I've been getting just a ton of really great, wonderful e-mails from readers of Marley & Me. The good news is that I just love hearing from all of you; I laugh at your funny stories and share your ache at the inevitable goodbyes all dog lovers eventually face. The bad news is that I just cannot possibly answer each one personally, as I would like. I started out trying valiantly to do so. But with each week, the backlog grows. And as my agent keeps reminding me, ahem, I'm supposed to be working on a proposal for my next book, not spending all day chatting away. So instead, I want you to know that I do indeed read every single e-mail I receive, and that I'm enjoying them even if I can't respond individually to most of them. Every now and again I will post one here on my blog that particularly resonates.
Which brings me to this very funny and very touching note I received from a medical doctor about his late, great (well, OK, that term is open to interpretation) dalmation, Max. As you will read, Max was a total character. Like Marley, he was one of those once-in-a-lifetime dogs you never forget. Here's his story. It's long but worth reading to the end. From Tony C.:
...
Dear Mr. Grogan,
I bought your book, Marley and Me, this afternoon while waiting to board a flight at LaGuardia Airport in New York. I don't know what drew me to it- perhaps the subtitle, "The world's worst dog". I laughed and thought, "no way." I've already finished the book. Couldn't put it down.
I wanted to thank you for bringing back a rush of memories about my old Dalmatian, Max. He was my Marley.
I got Max when I was just finishing my first year of medical school in St. Louis in 1991. I drove 180 miles to a place near the Lake of the Ozarks, to a backyard breeder my dad had told me he had found in a newspaper. Dad figured I needed some company.
Max was one of only two pups in his litter. His three other siblings were stillborn. I was told originally that I couldn't have him, because he was already promised to another family. However, when it became apparent that he had a "patch ear"- Dalmatians are born completely white, with no spots- and they didn't want him, because a patch ear is a disqualification flaw for a show Dal. It's a totally black ear. Their loss became my lifetime gain. Boy, did it.
I went to the kennel to meet him, and was immediately greeted by a rambunctious black and white ball of fur who would not stop climbing on me. I knew he was for me. I paid for him, the best 190 dollars I have ever spent, and drove back to St. Louis with my new companion. I had already chosen his name.
I suppose I should have known I was in for trouble when on the drive home, he wouldn't stay still unless I allowed him to climb up into my lap. Once there, he would curl into a ball and go to sleep. Occasionally, I'd try to move him to the passenger seat. I'd set him down, and he'd immediately crawl across the parking brake and into my lap, where he'd once again fall asleep.
I wasn't as forceful with him as you were with Marley. When I put him in his box the first night, the whining drove me crazy. I went to the kitchen, and moved Max and his box into my bedroom so he wouldn't disturb my roomate. The whining wouldn't stop. Finally, I relented, and put him in the bed with me. Not quite good enough. He finally quieted down and fell into a sound sleep when he was right next to my head. This started a tradition. He wouldn't settle down until I let him next to my head.
He was a wild puppy. My roomate and I would go out for an evening to douse the pressure of medical school. Upon our return, we'd be greeted by Max jumping up and down on the couch, with the garbage strewn all over the house. It was as if he had to spread the garbage so that it would cover the entire floor. And when we came home, he'd be standing on the couch with his tail flying around, looking at us with his bright brown eyes as if to say, "Hey! Look what I did while you were gone! Isn't it great?"
We took to keeping him in the kitchen when we were out, to limit the damage. We built a small barricade, about three feet high. That kept him out of the rest of the house for about two weeks. He'd climb right over it. The barricade gradually grew in size to nearly seven feet tall- we left six inches from the top of the doorjam. People who would come into the house thought we were holding King Kong in there. They were pretty much right.
Max found some new playthings while in the kitchen. His favorite was taking down the dishrack. He wouldn't do anything with the dishes, but we had steak knives with wooden handles. For a while, at least. He'd get them down on the floor and chew all the wood right off them. We couldn’t afford new ones, so our guests thought we were like Aboriginies or something.
One night, we came home, and he had learned a new trick. He'd managed to pull up a corner of the linoleum tile in the kitchen. Once he got a corner up, it opened up a whole new world. We let him out, and to our horror, he had stripped the entire floor of the linoleum tile. He was quite proud of himself. Suffice to say, our landlord was less than pleased.
Like Marley, he turned into a monster. Dals usually reach about 55 pounds at maturity. Not Max. By the time he was a year old, he was already 75 pounds of pure, unadultered fury. Windows? Forget it. He would crash right through them. Screens? Lasted about 10 seconds. Tug toys designed to last three months? Lucky if they lasted three hours. He could unwrap the cover and core of a softball in about 10 minutes.
Max had his peculiarities. He could be resting on the couch, and I'd say, "Max, want to go to bed?" and he'd leap up and sprint into the bedroom. By the time I got there, he'd be lounging on the bed with a "what took you so long?" look in his eyes. When I had to study, he wouldn't leave me alone. He'd climb up in my chair with me and put his paws and snout right in my textbook. He was a real character. I bought a harness for him. I'd take him to the nearby park, attach his harness to him and lace up my roller blades. He'd pull me around the park until I made him stop. But, like Marley, when I was sick or just not feeling up to it, he knew when it was time to shut it down. In those instances, he's simply climb onto the couch with me, lay in my lap and go to sleep.
I moved to Providence, Rhode Island in 1995 to go through my surgical residency. My then girlfriend, now my wife, moved with me from Long Island. Max became the third member of the house. Or, perhaps, the first member. Cathy would freak out when he climbed in bed with us, so he had to be broken of that. It took a while, but he did it. He'd sit with his head on my side of the bed while I scratched him. When he had enough, he'd saunter off into my den and climb up onto his new "bed".
We never did totally break him of his love for sleeping on the furniture. Cathy and I would go out, and he'd go to sleep on a couch we allowed him on in the dining room. When we came home, the pillows on the living room couch would be tossed around. It was obvious he had been up there. He never could hide his guilt. When he did something he knew he shouldn't, he'd "smile" at us when we got home. He'd pull his lips back and sort of snarl- it's called a "smarle" and is a peculiarity of the breed. We'd go over to the living room couch and it would still be warm.
We moved to Florence, South Carolina when I finished my training. Max was eight at the time, and like Marley, was beginning to slow down. He'd still play whenever I wanted. We'd play tug, we'd play fetch, we'd wrestle, whatever I wanted to do almost every night. And as soon as I wanted the roughhousing to stop, I'd just say, "OK, buddy, that's enough," and it would end, and he'd come over and lick my face and plop down in my lap to get a belly rub. He knew exactly what the game was.
Gradually, he slowed. He started having trouble with his hips. He began to drag his back legs a bit, and the outside steps that he had once bounded up with consummate ease became his nemesis. As he started pushing 12 and over, he really slowed. He started doing things like messing in the house, which he never did. I never scolded him. I knew it wasn't his fault.
He started to fall down on the wood floors. Cathy would call me and tell me he couldn't get up. I'd come home, and as soon as he saw me - much like Marley was with you - he'd spring right up to his feet and greet me as if nothing was wrong. I told Cathy he was just being lazy- but I knew all was not right.
I spent more and more time with him. I'd just lay on the floor with him for hours on end. He loved it. He would curl up right next to me and go to sleep. I’d rub his belly and scratch his ears- oh, man, how he loved that- for hours. I knew the time was coming.
On November 29, 2004, the time came. He was having a terrible night. He was pacing fitfully and wouldn't lie down. When he finally would lie down, he'd whimper as he tried to get up. I spent all night on the floor with him trying to comfort him. I took him outside, and I couldn't get him to come up the stairs- not even with a bait of hamburgers. He just stared at me with this forlorn look in his eyes, as if to say, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it anymore."
I called my vet, who was kind enough to come over and take him to the hospital. I was afraid I couldn't get him into the car. I cradled his old muzzle and gave him a kiss. About an hour later, I got the call - I knew what was wrong. His hips were OK, but he had a spur on his lumbar spine that was compressing his spinal cord. There were two options- operate on a 12 and a half year old dog, or- do the right thing. Which, sadly, I did.
I was a wreck for about six weeks. I had to take one day off work, something I've never done, not with 104 degree fevers, not with having my gallbladder out, not with multiple sinus surgeries. Each day, when I would drive home, I'd pass the animal hospital. I would cry each time. About six weeks after I put him down, I went to thank my vet for his help in Max's last hours. I got about three words out of my mouth and my voice started to break. Dr. H. just put his hand on my shoulder. He didn't have to say anything. He knew what I wanted to tell him.
Last February, we got a new Dalmatian puppy, Casey. He is a lot like Max, but different. He has his destructive tendencies; he's already dug through the dry wall in three different spots in our laundry room, which is "his" room. But I never scold him. Never even crosses my mind. Even if it does look like a scene from "Escape From Alcatraz" in there. I know he's not trying to be destructive. And I know, much to my chagrin, that his time will come, too. But like Max, I'm going to make the most of it. We have no children. He is our child. Just as Max was.
I haven't had time to vent much after Max's death. I feel sort of stupid about it. I see human suffering every day, but not one instance, not one, has touched me like that dog's passing did. There's not a day that goes by where I don't wonder if something's wrong with me.
Now, after reading about Marley, I know there's nothing wrong with me. Like you, I'm totally normal. Thanks, Mr. Grogan. Thanks for a wonderful trip down memory lane. Something inside me can rest more peacefully tonight.
Sincerely, Tony C.
Whoa there now, Tony. My wife would definitely like to disagree with you about using me as a standard for normal. But let's keep telling ourselves we are. :) Thanks for your story... I loved it, especially the part about Max racing into bed at the slightest invitation. Such a guy!
posted by John Grogan at 2:25 PM
 
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Much like Tony, I picked up M&M at Newark Airport not too long ago and read it cover to cover in just a few short days. That truly says somthing considering I've been working on other books for over a year now. I really enjoyed reading other stories about the dogs because they remind me of the antics of our own. We have 2, a small 40 lb. black lab mix by the name of Chintu who is now 3 and Phife. A 90 lb. pit and husky mix who was adopted by my now husband at 10 month from foster care. He's now 7 years old, he and Chintu are pals except some occasions when there is extra special food or attention involved.
Tony's story of Max spreading the garbage reminded me of an incidence with Phife. Before Chintu's time, my husband and I had planned a short trip of just 2 days. We left Phife in the apartment in the care of one of our friends who was responsible to take him for walks and feed him.
Well, Phife must have been a busy boy during that time. When we came back, we could smell this awful yet farmiliar stink all the way at entrance of the building. It only became stronger as we approached the front door. At first glance, everything looked okay, but Phife greeted us anxiously with his tail between his legs. Then we knew something was up, we inspected only to discover strategically positioned poo. It was all over the place,the back corner of the the bedroom closet, under some discarded clothes, even inside of a shoe. We'll never figure that one out! We have no idea if our friend really did what we had asked him to do. We cleaned it all up without saying a word to eachother or the dog. How could we, that would require us to breath! We quickly learned that this was not a good way to manage Phife while away on trips.
It really is amazing how different their personalties are and when they reason as if human it makes me wonder exactly what is the line between man and beast.
Phife occasionally receives treats. While at college in Phila, we would feed him rice and messy things in a plate outside on the fire escape. Well, while licking the plate, it would inch closer and closer to the edge. He was fully aware of the threat of losing the plate over the edge and when it nearly tipped over, he grabbed it with his teeth and pulled it back to the center.
These are some of the Phife stories that I'll be telling for a while. I have similar stories with Chintu. I love having them in my life. After having read M&M, I'm more aware of our short time together and try to spend more quality time with them. I am thankful for the reminder that our time together is short-lived in the grand scheme of things.
AD
Thanks for the great story! What would life be without these wonderful furry creatures.
I type this as I have a big gold kitty sleeping in my lap--who, by the way, acts just like a dog!
Happy New Year!
The Whippy Curly Tails in the Toasty South.
=^..^=
Our family lost Braidey 4 weeks ago today. Next March, she would have been 17. She was a Cocker Spaniel and she outlived all of her 6 of her children, 3 males and 3 females who became, "The Braidey Bunch". She was loving, selfless and didn't have a mean bone in her body.
She became my study companion as a 2 month old puppy back in May, 1989, when I was studying first for finals my last year of law school and then during that summer while I studied for the Pennsylvania bar exam.
Much like Marley and the Grogans, Braidey was a parenting test for my wife and me. We were married for 4 years at the time we got her and, we were in our mid to late 20's and were anxious to start a family. When infertility problems prevented us from having children
then, both of us, having grown up separately with family dogs, decided to bring a dog into our home.
We read in the paper of a family living on a farm selling cocker spaniels and a friend and I decided to drive to the farm to look at them. Before I left, my wife and I decided we wanted a male.
Once we arrived at the farm, however, plans would change. As soon as I entered the house to see the puppies, a little cocker spaniel with a stub for a tail greeted me and followed me whereever I went. Immediately I fell in love with the dog and decided I would take this one. When I discovered the puppy was a female, I stuck to my guns and decided against taking the female since our joint decision was a male. I chose another puppy, this one a male, and started out of the house to leave. As I turned to close the door, I saw the same puppy with the stub tail following me out the door. I realized there and then that I was not choosing our family pet, our family pet was choosing us. I left the male at the farm and picked up our Braidey to go home. It was our privilege that Braidey chose us to be her masters.
While she also couldn't do extraordinary canine tricks, she was an extraordinary dog who became the faithful friend to both of us and our daughter when she came to us 5 years later.
The beginning of the end started in August, when our vet told us Braidey had an enlarged heart and we needed to put her on medication daily. It was natural that Braidey would have an enlarged heart, because she had that much love to share with us and you couldn't help but fall in love with her.
While our loss is painful now, I read and devoured Marley & Me quickly and I know that sometime, our memories of Braidey will not be as painful but celebratory. What can you say about a creature on this planet who existed only to love you unconditionally and unfailingly? So many times, I read parts of the book through tears -- faithfully following us up steps when it had to hurt her to us following her to assist then carry her up and down stairs ; sleeping in, then by, our bed when we were younger and then in her later years, sleeping in my daughter's room by her bed and sometimes in the second floor hallway overlooking downstairs, when she could keep an eye on all bedrooms; from housetrained dog until the last several months when she could no longer control her bladder; -- I could go on.
Thank you for the gift of your book. It helps ease the pain of our loss and put the value of her life in ours in clear perspective. We miss her terribly and know she will always remain inside our hearts.
I really love your book Marley and Me. I don't have a dog of my own, although I wish I did. However, Marley reminds me so much of my aunt's dog, Kody. Kody, like Marley, isa yellow laborador, and he is huge. In his prime, he not only chased and pounced on my brother (while thinking that he was playing a sort of game with him), he also knocked over a Christmas tree and broke several ceramic ornaments, and jumped on my grandmother, spilling coffee all over her lap. I don't know if he has eaten half of the things Marley did, but I'm sure he has. What irritates my aunt the most is that he rubs himself all over her velvet couch.
In spite of his faults, we love him. He has not passed away yet, but he has mellowed out in his age. I'm sure that he and Marley would have been good pals.
I recently did a review for your book on my college's online newspaper http://www.spartanedge.com I am also a Michigan Native!
Again, I love your book and I wish only the best for you, your family, and Gracie.
After reading the cnn article, all I have to say is try living with 3 Marley's 24/7!
DCQ
I'm writing in response to a blog left by Tony C., a doctor who was in his (?) year of surgical residency at the time of his post.
I couldn't believe what Tony wrote...something that I've felt for the past 9 years since I found "Cooter", my German Shepard/Collie mix, who is the love of my life.
I've been a nurse for over 20 yrs., my specialty area being ICU. I can honestly say that I've never felt the strength of the closeness, caring and empathy I have for Cooter with any of the hundreds of patients I've cared for either, just like Tony said.
Please don't let that scare anyone if they have an upcoming hospital stay! I think it just means that sometimes people (patients) can be rude, mean and ungreatful, and that a person in the business of caring for others all day long needs a friend that he/she can count on to give that unconditional love that only a dog can.
I'm convinced the world would be a better place if everyone had a dog, if not a lot less hypertension!
Thank you John Grogan for a wonderful book!
Janet B.